I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
