His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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