she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
