I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
