I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
