i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
