what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
