I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
