I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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