I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
