My sheets look like a crime scene.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
