Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
