i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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