so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
third nipple confirmed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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