this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
