I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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