we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
