please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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