Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
