Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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