I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
