Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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