i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
