I didn't shave. On purpose
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
