I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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