Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
