Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
