Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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