I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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