just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
