I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
