I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
