I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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