dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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