You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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