found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
