You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
