I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
