I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
