Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
