Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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