I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
