false alarm. still invincible.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
