all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
