i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
