I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As shirtless as possible
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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