She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This baby is an asshole
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
