I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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