Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
