Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where is the hickey?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
