There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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